First

Hi. First time writing here. I just thought i needed to make a blog so that i can release my feelings here. Releasing my feelings on twitter is okay too but my friends will question me why i'm sad & people will judge me for being so sad & stuff. So i decided to make a blog, where i can write about my life without people asking me questions & judging me.

I feel like shit these days. Firstly, i really feel like i'm being used by my friends. They only find me when they are bored or when their boyfriends aren't around. I feel like as if i am their 'spare tyre'. When their boyfriends are around, they treat me like as if i'm invinsible, like as if i'm not there in the first place. I don't want to feel like as if i am not important to someone. The least you can do is at least know my presence there & talk to me even when your boyfriend is around. That would at least make me feel better.

Secondly, i really cannot move on from this guy that I have a crush on. We known each other for like 3 years, since sec 1. We started contacting each other in the middle of this year. I found out that he liked me since sec 1. I too feel the same way. We texted for a few months. We talked to each other like as if we are in a relationship. We called each other with sweet names. Suddenly, everything stopped. We didn't text each other anymore. I feel like as if i'm the only one trying. I'm the one who will start the conversation first, i'm the one who will always have to start everything first. It's like as if he doesn't even make an effort to text me first. He simply doesn't care. I don't know i really don't know what is becoming of us anymore. I really do miss him but i can't do anything about it. Even when i see other girls talking to him at school, i get jealous & he isn't even mine. I wish, i just wish, i can turn back time & fix everything to make it better, a lot better.

Lastly, i'm honestly a victim of verbal bullying. Idiots would make fun of me for being ugly. Well, i didn't know i will be born ugly. They too like to make fun of me being a scoliosis patient. They would keep saying i walk weird & would always make fun of my hump, how big it is. Well, i too didn't know that i will be born to be a scoliosis victim. God made me like this. Because of those idiots, i feel really insecure.I feel like killing myself. Committing suicide but i know it won't do my love ones any good. I tried to stay strong & ignore all those shit but to no avail. I have thoughts of quitting school but i know if i do, in the future, it will be hard for me cause i can't find a job then. It is really hard really to endure these shit. To them, i'm like an alien. To them, i'm an ugly potato. To them, i'm the most ugliest among my friends. I just have no motivation to go to school anymore. No motivation for anything. Just gonna live my life aimlessly. I really hope they stop & just leave me alone. Sigh.

I think that's all for today. For a first post, i blog quite a lot hm. Well it's 10pm now. I should be sleeping. Hope i will have time to blog tomorrow. Sleeping with a heartache tonight. Sigh. Goodnight x